I hate the term “closure”, with a passion. Always have, always will. I would like to know who started this nonsense and punch them in the face! We hear it all the time after we experience something life altering such as death, a breakup, job loss, illness, the list is endless. You need “closure”, people tell us with much authority. Yes, “closure” is the ticket, your one stop pass to the road back to happiness, or peace, or a new job, new love…you catch my drift?
God, I wish people would shut the hell up about the bloody thing!
We can close taps, lights, doors, bank accounts, any kind of account, windows, roads, I could keep going but that would drive me even more loopy so I won’t.
Recently my heart became broken. God, it hurts so much to have a broken heart, but as sure as night turns into day someone inevitably told me, with much authority, that what I needed was “closure”.
“Really”? says, I.
“Oh yes, indeed”, says they. “Sure won’t closure help you move on”?
I asked this person what they meant by “closure” and they shrugged and said, “I dunno. Closure, like”. (true story).
Christ alive, even the people who roll it out have no bloody idea what they even mean when they say it!
There is no closure when it comes to matters of the heart. Not in my opinion anyway, for what’s it worth. My heart has been broken for almost 5 months now and not even God herself, if such a thing exists, could close it up. How do I close something that has become a part of my being? A part of my heart. A part of my soul. To do so would be to wipe clean 5 years of my life, years in which I learned to love and grow and strive to be a better me. I have no desire to close myself down this way. To do so would be a danger to my emotional, physical and mental wellbeing and I have learned to love myself too much to put myself at risk this way ever again. I can’t “close” my heart to him, to me, to future him, future me. What kind of life would that be if we all lived this way?
I get why people say they want the “closure”. I think it comes from the fear of feeling the pain of loss, of mistakes they have made but are too afraid to admit to themselves and to the person, place or thing that has caused them the pain. It is far easier to shut a door than to keep it open and have the courage to walk through it to the other side not knowing who or what will be there to greet you, or to punch you in the face!
When people die do we close a door on them? No. We keep them in our hearts and carry them with us for the rest of our days.
When we lose a job do we close a door on our experience? No. We take the learning we need from the experience so it helps us be a better worker the next time around.
And when we get our heart smashed all over the floor in a million little pieces what then is the purpose of getting “closure” from the one who smashed it? Would it not make for a healthier you, me, everybody if instead of closing the door we left it open just enough to learn about who we are in relation to other people, the mistakes we make and see the fears that stop us from loving someone so the future us can reap the rewards.
Can you see why I think that “closure” doesn’t really fit the brief?
In my world nothing would ever be closed to me. If I had a wish, that’s what it would be. Instead I would replace it with conversation and forgiveness, exploration and truth. How can we possibly learn all we need to learn by ourselves behind a closed door?
So, my door will always stay open. Nothing will ever change that.